Munk Rants

THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED. IT WAS SCARY. ALSO REAL!!

2009-11-11T13:12:00.000-08:00

I woke up once with a scorpion in my bed.

I woke up and ran my hand across something. I was in a sleepy daze and confused as to what it was, thinking it may be one of my dog's toys that I was unfamiliar with. I then gazed upon the black beast, the scorpion. I grabbed one of my dog's chew bones and I slammed down on the scorpion. Thinking it dead, I lifted my weapon and checked to see if it was real or a dream.

It was a nightmare, its tail wrapped in a mortal coil, black heart still beating.

The beast was not slain.

It scurried off, desperate to find shelter, uncoiled tail lashing black death at its unseen attacker. I knew I had to strike again, failure here meant a spurned beast yearning for vengeance beneath my hearth and home. Never again would sweet sleep carass me gently into the night while this abomination lurked in the shadows.

STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE! Still it moved! STRIKE! Still but not dazed, it scurries more! STRIKE! Its impenetrable shell curses my every move, the black obsidan absorbing each blow into its dark abyss. Its freedom, my doom, lay inches before it. In an act of desperation I lunged, all of my might flowing through the chew-bone, and I pressed forth on the black demon.

I put all of my power, the weight of the world, into breaking the blackened armor of the beast. I held still, never relenting the force, keeping constant, crushing power and holding my entire weight on top of the bone.

*snap*

The armor had broken.

The needle tail lay still.

The beast did not stir.

I was victorious.

I Posted This 35 Minutes Ago

2009-02-19T23:03:00.000-08:00

I took the language that Rorschach used in the Watchmen comics and create a couple of journal entries and conversations as a result. There are a few inside joke references, but if you have ever been involved with an internet forum before, you can probably understand what's going on. Special thanks to Robcham for contributing to the conversations and allowing me ample room to play off his foil.

Conversation with Robcham 1

Robcham I left you in charge. I left you in charge and you have allowed the swine and filth to run rampant. I can smell the forum detritus, these pages are full of them. I can see Yaya posts, Sars_boy posts, and Urian posts, and they are all barren. There is no good wit anymore. Like a little b, it is a faded memory, wholly forgotten in these putrid pages of rotting humor.

Munkus Journal, February 18, 2009

Wednesday night. Stupid logic on a Urian post.

The rot and decay of this forum lingers on the broken scrollbars that hold open the window. It sits like a fat whore underneath a bridge, birthing trolls to feed on the goats. The sores and ulcers have been left to fester for too long, infection has spread to the heart of the forum. Soon the posters will be trolled and they will PM to me Subject: Ban Them! and I will look down at my keyboard and type Re: No

Hrumph. Wiggin gone. Idiot banning theory more plausible.

Robcham Conversation 2
Munkus: You have forgotten how we do things, Robcham. You mollycoddle idiots. Protect rapists of language. Draw beggars that cry in the street. You've gone soft, especially with logic.
Robcham: Logic? Listen! I've had it! Who the hell do you think you are? You live off people while insulting them, nobody complains because they think you're a goddamn lunatic! Do you know how hard it is to be your friend?
Munkus: Robcham. You are right. Hard to be friend sometimes. You are a good artist. We should be leave the cockroaches and worms to discuss their fursonas and choom trains. Hrumph.
Robcham: uh hey
forget it, man, it's okay.
uh
well um
yeah well there's no sense staying down here any longer
this is no place to have the reunion of the Munkus-Robcham team
y know after all this shit hell it'd be nice to just post some wit again
hell, it'll be like coming home
Munkus: Yes. Forumer posted wit. Ha ha.

Munkus Journal, February 19, 2009

DrDizaster. Joined 2002, banned 2004. 2 years a moderator. Is this what happens to us? A career of locking threads and giving infractions...so when we're banned, only our trolls send emails?

Hrumph. There is witty and there is stupid, stupid must be infracted. They could have followed the postings of funny men, like Cardboard Tube or my boddah. Moderators who believed in a funny post. Instead they scream like retarded children, crying and gnashing at the dusk. Their quote trees litter the webpages, stacking high into a tower, drowning them in their filth.

The Brawl Man Cometh

2008-04-05T02:15:00.000-07:00

You can’t win child
We’ve all tried to
You’ve been lied to
It’s all ready inside you
Either you run right now
Or you best get ready to die
You better
move
I said
move

Runaway
Runaway
Run children
Run for your life

These lyrics are, of course, talking about Metaknight.

Good God, he's crazy. There isn't a single match-up in the game that he is afraid of. You bring a poncy sword boy? He brings the pain. There's literally nothing that you can do against him if you play Jigglypuff or Sonic. Everything that Metaknight does comes out faster, reaches farther, and outprioritizes. Metaknight is the Akuma, the game breaker, the Marth of the new generation.

"Munkus, add me and make a room, I would like to receive a beating by you."

"I too would like to face Munkus, and then lick my wounds afterwards."

"I'll offer my poor sheltered body for the pilfering, Munkus."

" well since he plays metabustedknight and i don't, i'd say he has a much higher winning rate over me. i miss Melee i could whip him in Melee."

"Don't make me ATTEMPT to kick your ass munkus"

" I hope your insane roommate kills you."

The critics agree: Run away.

Waiting For Brawl

2008-03-01T01:59:00.000-08:00

Super Smash Brothers: Brawl is set to come out midnight next Saturday, and I am fucking stoked. It feels like Christmas in February. No, that's not right. I wasn't this excited for Christmas.

Understand, its predecessor, Super Smash Brothers: Melee, was more than just a video game to me, it was my hobby. I played for years trying to master the art of playing this game, going from transsexual ninja, to effeminate sword guy, to a monster made out of sunshine and gumdrops. Looking at this list now, I can only guess what my next choice will be for brawl.

As enticing as purple tights are, I'm leaning toward this guy:

That's right, Meta Knight. I got to play Brawl a week ago, and I played eight blissful hours of Meta Knight. He's like a pissed off Jigglypuff with a sword after twelve lines of speed. This fucker is pissed off and he's not going to take it anymore.